redshirts for dinner
by zachary.techman
Summary: The enterprise is headed on another mission, negotiations with the Carnivorous Gorilla-People of Argos 8 and kirk hasn't learned his lesson, seeing as he's trying to flirt again with another woman. Humor with a little bit of something, though I'm not sure what it is, so your guess is as good as mine.


Redshirts for dinner

The enterprise is headed on another mission, negotiations with the Carnivorous Gorilla-People of Argos 8 and kirk hasn't learned his lesson, seeing as he's trying to flirt again with another woman.

Redshirts for dinner…

After the wars with the Borg, the golden sword guardians were taking a break for a while. "Captain so what is our next move?" asked Larten. Kirk smiled, "We're headed to the planet of the gorilla-people of Argos 8.

"Should I lead the command team?" asked the vampire. Kirk smiled, "Sure, go ahead, and bring Bones and Spock with you.

Kirk looked around the bridge to find a girl android with blond hair. "Hey good lookin." The android glared before casually saying in a male voice… Dam it Jim, I'm an android, not a female object! "Hey, that's my line, hunk of junk." Shouted Doctor McCoy. "You want to go, old man?" asked the android. "Challenge excepted, computer for brains!", shot back Leonard. Larten face-palmed "Oh brother… computer, get me a bloody marry, Romulan ale, and a few bagels."

Meanwhile in sickbay.

The world is round and there are at least 2000 galaxies!" Argued Piccolo. "Incorrect, the world is flat, and has at least 1000000 solar systems!" Debated Spock. "Both of you shut up before I get my hypo!" yelled Lenard McCoy from the bridge where he was fighting the supposedly female android.

Back on the bridge.

Kirk approaches another female ensign a smirk on his face… "Hi beautiful, want to meet me in my ready room?" The female ensign Caroline is about to smile then reads his thoughts before slapping him. _Dammit… "_maybe some other time?" Kirk asks rubbing his cheek.

"Captain, we are approaching the planet." Replied Scotty over the communicator to a chorus of the earth is flat! no the earth is round! The earth is… hi-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s as Leonard McCoy stealthily applies a Hypo spray to the Vulcan and namekean. "Bones, you ever consider an occupation as a ninja?" "Jim, quiet or you'll get it too!" McCoy smiled at his sleeping hosts… "That should put them out for at least a few hours and now to get my revenge on that android whom beet me… Hahahahahahahahahaha." "Bones, you know you should be the next villain for our next hollo-production?" commented Jim. "I warned you, Jim… hi-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s.

In the guest quarters…

Zero was sparring with his newest weapon, the Z shot when he grappled on to a pink box, which showered his quarters with water, causing him to slip. Zero smiled evilly "Oh it's on now, Bones!" The android cracked his leg out of place, then hobbled along to sickbay. "Zero, what seems to be the pro… what...? My scanner… He looked at it to find it was configured to play the Romulan pledge of allegiance, Dammit zero!

Later on

Larten, McCoy and Spock were at the transporter room. Ready to beam down. "Here, are a few redshirts, to guard you, I hear those gorillas are hungry." Answered Kyle. Larten just gave him a no sh*t Sherlock look.

"energize!" said McCoy.

On the planet, the crew was confronted by a gigantic ape king with a bow on its head. "Hungry… want to eat now, now, nownownownownownow. "The federation wants to talk with you, it would be wise to listen to what they have to say." Advised Larten. "Hungry, eat you first. Spock and Larten exchanged a look before running in the other direction. "Where you guys going?" asked the lead ensign. "Doctor McCoy, Spock, Humanoid companion? He then realized he and the other ensigns were staring the hungry faces of a heard of gorillas. "Run?" screamed the frightened ensign. He was the first to be devoured, the others ran until they were cornered. All of them urinated or defecated. "I think I heard the cries of the ensigns we left behind?" commented Larten. "It seems that way, Mister. Crepsley." Replied Spock. "Come along now, we don't want to become like they were." Answered Leonard .

The 3 continued until they were at the castle of the high imperial gorilla emperor apely named swallows.

"Emperor Swallows, this is Lieutenant Crepsley of the federation star ship enterprise. "Lieutenant? Tsk. Tsk.", commented doctor McCoy drily." Doctor, I advise you to keep a handle on your emotions." Replied Spock. Which to Doctor McCoy was the Vulcan translation of please shut up, Doctor! "We gorilla people are hungry for more humans, it has been a long time sense we've had visitors. "We'd love it if you joined us for dinner, it will be a 3 course meal! "Well, we are… Spock… no they don't mean what you are thinking." Said McCoy. "You don't have a choice, gorillas of all shapes and sizes, surround them. "So Larten, have you made your piece with the powers that be above?" asked Lenard McCoy. "I will have you know, I do not plan on dying here, Doctor." Answered Larten. "I take it you have a plan by the look on your face, Mister Crepsley." Asked Spock. "You are right, my logical friend, but first let us try to call the captain and request for a beaming.

McCoy turned on his communicator while Larten was fending off the gorillas, "Scotty can you beam the 3 of us up? The engineer frowned, "No can't seem to get a lock on either of you down there, you'll have to fight your way out, although I can tell Crepsley has things under control. "Understood, McCoy out. "Spock, we need to assist Larten here." "Understood, doctor." Answered the Vulcan.

A gorilla leaped out of the tree to be met with a jab to the solar plexus from Larten. Another 1 was about to maw him from behind when a hypo put it out of commission. A hand caught his own, pulling him out of the way of another gorilla then took his place for a second. Larten watched the hand that wasn't holding on to his own, apply the Vulcan nerve pinch. "Spock? Why?" "Might I remind you Larten, that your chances of being double teamed were… "Quiet, ya bloody hobgoblin!" "Doctor, I remind you that… Shh, Shh… Larten just laughed.

Back on the enterprise...****************

Kirk was trying to get another woman, it was obvious because he thought he was the most charming looking person on the ship that a girl would have wanted to have him for her own by now… so far, no good luck. Finally, he found another fine looking woman by the name of T'Pronc, a transfer student from new Vulcan. "Hey there, so what do you think about the ship?" He asked. "I think the ship could use a bit more decoration. Preferably some plant life would be nice, but I must say your CMO is a miracle worker!" she replied with a smile. "Yeah Bones is very good at his job, he's the best physician on this ship, and for good reason, my dear. Want to have some ice cream once we arrive at star base 22? my treat." He offered. "I've never eaten this ice cream, although officer Spock might think this is illogical, I don't care, I believe the word would be as you humans say… it's a date! she raised her eyebrow the slightest bit, Jim taking it as a smile seeing as the Vulcan populace didn't show their emotions the slightest bit. The captain watched the Vulcan depart then he rubbed his hands in appreciation, "Sweet I finally did it!" He knew it wouldn't be this easy later on, but give it a few more weeks or so, and he'd have her right where he wanted her to be, on his ship, and in his captains bed, Wo there captain… first the ice cream before anything else… Don't get ahead of yourself. "Jim, you talking to yourself again?" "I am doing no such thing, Aeon. "Yes you are, sur. I heard you talking about that new exchange student and about ice cream and getting her into the bed in your ready room… once again the Vulcan exchange student entered the room, hearing everything… and gave the captain a slap to the face, followed by a nerve pinch. "This relationship is over... good day, captain!" Kirks last thought before crashing was dammit, rejected again!

A mountain of gorilla corpses were the only thing that was left, along with a staggering vampire. "Larten, you should rest, doctor's orders!" "Bones, I don't need to… he was about to fall on the mountain of corpses, when McCoy and Spock caught him. "Cm'on, let's get him to the transporter, then to sickbay so I can keep an eye on him." "As you wish, Doctor McCoy." The 2 carried the vampire to the transporter point where the 3 began to glow, before they vanished.

When the 2 materialized, Leonard was the first to be freed by the beam. He then carried his charge fireman stile to sickbay. Let's see if ya have anything wrong with ya.

When he arrived in sickbay, he looked for anything wrong with his tricorder, okay from what I can see… looks like overexertion, along with some stress., looks like some massages along with some other things are in order, seeing as hypo's and other drugs were ineffective on Larten's vampiric immune system… Dam, I need to figure a way around that problem and soon! Oh well, best thin' worth doin' right now is what I can. A bit later, the good doctor was rubbing his hands together, his patient was comfortable. "He smiled, Larten looked a lot younger when asleep. The doctor patted the vampire's head, "Sleep well, for I get the feeling you won't be doin' so fore the future. The doctor went over to his computer to figure out how to administer drugs to his patients body.

"So captain, I take it you held the ship together while we were away?" "Of course, Mister Spock." "We lost our ensigns, but we pulled through quite well through our supernatural ally and some tactical positioning. The mission was not a successful one, but having the vampire and doctor around made a big difference. The captain gave the words some thought, while going over the Vulcan's report. "You 3 annihilated an entire population of gorillas in a few hours? Dam Spock, I knew it was a good thing having you as my first officer! "I'd not have it any other way, captain. Now you and I should go play some chess."

"So Zero, from what I know, the crew arrived earlier tonight." So what do you think is on the menue tonight?" asked Ash. "Gorilla with some redshirt on the side." Answered the android. "Really zero? We're eating redshirts for dinner? Methinks that's cannibalistic." "Don't like it Williams? sorry but the replicator has decided on what you're eating!" "Alright, I give up… redshirts for dinner it is!

So how was it? Funny I hope. Anyway, this was finished at 11:54 pm pacific time. I hope I kept everyone in character, but oh well, if not, I would like to know what I'm doing wrong. It will help exponentially as an author and by the way, this wouldn't have been possible if not for another author over here, whom left this little 1 shot to expand upon. The carnivorous gorillas were his idea, but the rest of it was my own making, along with a few choice jokes here and there. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I have, and for once, I don't care, I have been stressing for reviews, but to tell you the truth, I'm going to keep an open mind and let you review when your ready. I may be asking too much for reviews, but reason why I have been doing so is mainly because I am running out of ideas and need direction with where to take the stories I have. I have a little brother, but he's youtube addicted and won't read any of my work, and mom and dad would probably not get any of it. My other brother, is in the air force, and would probably be unable to look at this. Okay, I'm going to stop this note here. For the author whom provided this tasty opening for the carnivorous gorilla people of Argos 8, I deeply thank you.


End file.
